• caedynwheeler

Confidence Affects You in Weird Ways

Day 11

The awkward years of puberty undoubtedly took a toll on my confidence. I think most people could say the same. Hormones were out of whack and I just was nowhere near the same level of confidence I used to be. I think eventually I just got tired of it. When I looked in the mirror I didn't actually want to be someone else. I thought about all the things I wanted to change about myself. If it was something practical like being nicer, I worked on it. If it was something I couldn't change, I faked it, and eventually, it stuck.

It was odd in middle school. Being the depressed kid was kind of cool, seeking external validation from people. When you actually gain confidence, you realize how much that sucks. It feels good to empower yourself. For me, it came about with some unexpected side effects.

  • Dancing

I would've never danced in front of anyone before. I would possibly jokingly dance in front of close friends but that was it. When I gained confidence and wanted to dance to music, I would and I wasn't embarrassed.

  • No shame

Obviously, everybody does embarrassing things at some point or another. I used to replay it in my head over and over again. Now it's so much easier to brush off and jump back from.

  • Singing

I am not a good singer, so I still don't really sing in front of people, out of respect for them, but now I can at least lip-sync or jokingly sing and have fun with it.

  • Mood

I've noticed my overall mood is better because not liking myself isn't an extra weight I have to carry. I treat other people better because of it too. If I see someone doing well, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them.

  • Being genuine

When I lacked confidence I wasn't so much pretending to be someone I wasn't, but as I was figuring out who I was I took shame in what I found. When that shame was gone it was so much easier to be me.

These are just a few things I never noticed the link to before but are affected by confidence. I'm happier now.

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